Lately I have been deeply troubled by the choices that have led me on the path I am currently pursuing. The able nomad in me thought a move to D.C. after months of traveling and years of moving around would come in stride. I thought wrong. The adjustment to DC has been wrought with setbacks, confusion, disillusion and a strong dose of apprehension. Never one to settle anywhere long, I found an unbelievably warm, comforting and peaceful habitat in the Boulder bubble. I left with tears in my eyes but hope in my head for a future in our nation's capital pursuing the law degree at a top 5 International law program. What I have found is an amazing city full of intelligent people, beautiful architecture, a school that works me like a dog but leaves me more legally minded every day and an apartment that I love. What I have left behind is what concerns me; in my mind's eye I see a place full of natural wonder, people who knew me as well as I knew myself, my soul mate and to an extent, my identity. Days at the library, highlighters drawing on me in my sleep, an empty bed and a general feeling of displacement have dominated the menu of my life recently. I am beginning to realize the choices I make are often the type that "sound good on paper". The rationale thinker in me wants to say I'm on the right path, but my heart feels like I fell down the wrong rabbit hole. If I chose this life, why does it feel like I'm an actor in someone else's script?
The friends I've had that are law students have always had rough, should-or-shouldn't-I first years. Add to that the perfection of what Boulder was and you have a really difficult equation. But know how loved and supported you are wherever you are, geographically. You're doing great. <3
ReplyDelete- Clare from Centro