Et ainsi de suite..

I wish I could say that I'm doing better than the last time I posted. But I have never been anything but honest in this blog and I intend to keep it that way. On the eve of my 24th birthday I am feeling alone. Law school, the end of my four year relationship, and a move to a new city where I am still a stranger have left me feeling lost and I can't seem to find myself. I keep thinking back to the sign in the entryway of a hostel I stayed at in Amsterdam that said, "Home is in your head." For some reason, with my pack on my back and a map in my hand I felt more at home than in this room where I have a bed to call my own and keys that let me in to the same apartment night after night. In a strange way, I find stability in the unpredictability of travel. The cynics say you can't live like that forever, have to settle down, being a nomad is a fantasy fulfilled by gypsies, criminals and musicians. While I feel unsure about most everything these days, I feel confident in the fact that I have never done things the way people tell me I should and although the road may be bumpier for it, at least it's exciting. Law school is not for the faint of heart and I am learning quickly that I will have to be stronger and more resilient than ever before to survive. I feel like life has been going in fast forward and I'm trying to hold on to moments and memories of my life in Boulder while months are passing and I am a resident of Washington, D.C. without actually living here at all. Tomorrow begins a new year of my life, hopefully a year in which I will learn how to balance who I was with what I am now, where not being part of a half doesn't mean not feeling whole, and where I will have to learn new phrases in new languages so I can survive in far off places and sleep with my pack at my feet. Here's to next year.

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